musings of a weary mind

*breathes out*
Glad it's near the end of the week! Been a long and packed week . Hmm this weekend's gonna be pretty packed though... i think i'll be more glad when next monday comes. Actually it never seems to end sometimes, though that's not necessarily bad. A couple of nights ago i had a little discussion of sorts with someone, who said that we start school at a young age... then we move into primary school then high school, then most likely uni, then out to work. You spend 40 years or so in a job or jobs, which u'll like if you're lucky, perhaps getting married and having kids, then you finally reach retirement. But when you've retired, you're too old to do anything, can't move around as well, don't think as well perhaps. Then you rot on ur way to death.
Quite depressing and pessimistic
But true
Some of my friends think that we're too young to be thinking about the 'deeper issues' of life, i.e. God and religion. But in my opinion, though we may be young, we may actually be quite advanced in age. By that i mean we think we're young because we've been told that life expectancy for us is 76 for males and 84 for females (approximate ages anyway). But what if we have only one more year left, then relatively, we're almost at the finish line. Anyway, bottom line is we don't know when our life will end, so how can we be so sure that we'll have the time to look into those 'deeper issues' of life later?

*yawn*
A very selfish thought and desire, but what i'd like now is to go somewhere far far away, an island or something, where no one can find me, and just stay there for a day or so hehe. An island with a beach and somewhere with lovely sunrises and sunsets. Or, i'd be happy to stay in my warm and comfy bed, and spend a whole day with my lovely quilt, pillow, my doggie, and my dreams! Hehe a friend of mine once slept for more than 24hrs in one go... woah! Hehe i reckon that if i do so, i'll wake up with a major headache!
Really like watching the sun rising =) Woke up really early on wed morning to study, and God showed me such a beautiful sunrise! Such an awesome splendour, a reminder of His beauty, power and grace =)

Had a pretty good chat with this friend at cumbo the other day, about guys (or in our cases, the lack of) =P After a while, we got talking about why we're not going out with anyone at the moment. She told me that her main reason is that she's unable to trust a guy enough, or anyone enough for that matter, not even herself. She said that some guys would be especially nice to u when they're chasing u or going out with you, but will be completely different once you're married, or he's "got" you. A relationship between a husband and wife (bf and gf) would be the most intimate relationship two human beings can have, and is completely open. She's worried that after she opens up herself completely to another human being, that person will do something that'll hurt or harm her.

On hearing her views, i felt pretty sad. To not be able to trust people would make life really difficult and unenjoyable. Not being able to trust a certain someone enough hasnt really been something i've thought about before, i admit. Maybe im too (as my parents and bro put it) "naive". Maybe i try and see good in others instead of being suspicious and all. Actually, i would prefer to just see good in others! But yeah her views did make me think a bit.

Hehe my mind is rapidly switching off now, bit by bit =P But in short, i don't think i trust myself either. And some guys i wouldnt be able to trust enough either, enough to have such an intimate an long lasting relationship with, to share my life with completely. Actually, come to think of it, i'm not sure if there is any guy whom i can trust completely and utterly.
BUT
i have faith in my Lord and his Lord - Jesus Christ
how will i be able to trust a guy completely, to open up myself totally to, to have the most intimate relationship possible with, to live the rest of my days here on earth with ??
my personal view is that
- if the guy's master is not the Lord, i don't think i'd be able to have that trust in him
- if i did not know Christ, i wouldn't trust myself at all ... not that i trust myself now anyway

anyway, can't think anymore ... gonna go relieve myself =)