On reflection ... and marigolds!

News about the car: my dad wants to keep it for another half a year or something, so seeing how this time wasn't his fault at all, we decided to go through another insurance company and another smash repairs to save our Seca from being totalled! Yay! Hehe sometimes i seriously feel disabled without it =) Hehe my brother was thinking about bribing that insurance company thereby sending our Seca to being totalled and forcing my dad to get a new car quicker =P But seriously, he'll be learning how to drive soon, and it would be best to hold on to the Seca until he goes through that stage of driving!

Hmm these days i feel that on coming back from HK, everything in general has changed. Don't know whether it's for the better, or for the worse, but i'm confident that God works for the good! A few people have asked me why i've been staying up late, past 3am at times, and i've found it hard to answer that question because sometimes i'm not doing anything....i sit there and time just slips by somehow. It's late and i should be sleeping then, but it's some time i get to just sit there all by myself and reflect and stuff, and i wouldn't give up an hour of that time for even two hours of sleep. So many things need to be thought through these days, new roles, new responsibilities, new situations, new time arrangements, as well as getting used the absence of certain old circumstances. I feel that as human beings, we seem to be able to get used to anything really, but occasionally, when something pops up from the past, it triggers something that in turn becomes a hurdle.

Maybe it's finally time to say a goodbye?

The main thing that will be on my mind for the next few hours would be whether or not i should quit ACE, or if i stay, when should i be working there this coming semester. I definitely enjoy working there, and getting to know the other tutors there, doing whatever i can to serve the students and the other staff there...but i feel im starting to lose motivation for that job. It's been two years since i started working there, and maybe a little break might not be a bad idea hmm. And coming back from HK, one of the major reasons that kept me there for one of the two years seems to have suddenly disappeared. But after having a good chat with my mum earlier, i'm going to try and come to a decision based on God's will and whether or not i'll be able to serve ACE by being there. And another thing is time...i feel it would be good for me to drop a couple of things for the time being so as to give other things the time they require.

Anyway, a good friend gave me a packet of marigold seeds on my 17th birthday together with a lovely meaningful message. After some ups and downs (bushfire seasons etc) the plants are nice nad healthy!! Took some photos of them today!

Drawings!!

Ohhh remember how i blogged about my experiences last week working at a child care centre? Here are some pictures of what these two really sweet kids drew for me =)

Hehe abstract art huh =P

kids!!

Long day at work today...8 hours...but it was wonderful and enjoyable!! Worked at a kindergarten in Castle Hill as a causal childcare worker (hmm for those who don't know, this is what i referred to as my 'third job'). Was soooo good! Going back tomorrow yay!! So inconvenient in terms of catching public transport there, but my lovely parents will be picking me up tomorrow after work =) Hehe today i ended up having to call my dad actually, cos the silly bus didnt come grrr.....cos so drenched....if it was on a hot day i wouldnt have minded, but today....almost got me out of my good mood!

The kids were so great...don't know why but not long after meeting them i just realised i love them. Maybe i really do enjoy working with kids, more so than the elderly people at the nursing home. When they had their naps, i just looked at them sleeping, and listening to the soothing music that was played. Hmm so many thoughts, but mostly a realisation that these kids have such long (and difficult perhaps) journeys in front of them. Here they are sleeping so peacefully and securely, i just wish they could continue doing that always. Because let's face it, the world is corrupt and uncertain, and i believe that it gets worse and worse.

Yet there is hope! I imagined some of those kids graduating form primary school, wearing school uniforms to high school, and graduating from year 12 going up onto the stage to collect their HSC certificates. I imagined some of them in uni, which was as far as i went =P Working with children is so good because you chart their growth and development, unlike with the elderly where, to be blunt, you try to make the quality of their life as good as possible for as long as possible....there always seems to be deterioration =( Ohhh wot really touched me was two of the eighteen kids (4 yrs old) there drew pictures, and afterwards came up to me and said "this is for you"!!! Hehe let's call it abstract art, but i couldnt care any less wot they drew, the drawings were just so wonderful!! Such sweet kids!

But on a more serious note, it always raised thoughts in my mind in regards to being a parent. Sooo difficult, and self-sacrificial, i really wonder if i'll ever be 'good enough' to be a mother...one thing i realised is that you have to protect them and shield them and care for them as much as possible, yet at the same time, you have to learn to let go at times, even when it fills you with fear and anxiety. A continual process of protecting and letting go, caring and letting go...wow

Anyway tomorrow may bring more insights...ohh i might post up the drawings those kids gaves me hehe =) Ohh and I felt so tall being around them today =P

money money money !!!

Status and money when it comes to careers...hmmmmm
Spent the whole day at home today (unless u count the half hour i went out for to get my mum's bday pressie). Was good actually....hardly have these kinda days anymore! Was so lazy...part of what i did was look up stuff related to employment as a dietitian (a bit too early i know, but i was suddenly interested hehe), especially the rates of pay.

Hmm i considered certain career paths and swept others aside during my last year of highschool based on what interested me and what i tried to discern from God's will. Until today, i still have uncertainties as to where my passions lie, what career i would like to pursue for the rest of my life....so confusing, and i feel so lost sometimes. Most of the time, i feel that being a dietitian comes closest to what i really want to do, but factors such as the status it has in society, and the rates of pay (which i only just found out) affects it, but i know they're not that important. Hmm it just seems that in today's society, who you are (your status, whether you'd be respected, perhaps even who you'll marry, maybe even you character) are strongly affected by your career. Personally i really don't like it, and yet i found that im starting to want to work in the UK because the pay is much higher there for a dietitian than here in Australia. Aiiii...is the idea of money starting to affect me?

Hmm after spending almost two hours online looking up jobs in the UK and HK and investigating their rates of pay, my dad (very very unexpectedly) reminded me about working in Africa. He was like "how about Africa? have u looked that up?" i don't think he was fully serious, but it did point me to the importance of doing God's will, and the dangers of having money as a god.

So where does that leave me now....hmm to be honest, im fully lost. I guess it'll just be a matter, rather, of living life step by step...thinking about tmr as opposed to 3 years down the track! Every new day is an opportunity to know and love God more, an opportunity to serve Him and others, to know and love others more. And to be content!

Around half a year ago, i had serious doubts about continuing my course. It wasnt because i didnt like it, but mainly because i felt it was one that people looked down upon. And come to think of it, i can't see much in it that would give the profession much status, especially when compared with being a doctor or a lawyer. And with a couple of relatives, and even my parents, i felt it was being looked down upon.

I talked to this really great friend of mine....and he replied:

You know how you said it bothers you that people look down on your course, and you do so too sometimes?

I think the most important thing is that you like what you are doing and that you think it's worthwhile. I believe that there is no need to look down on your course because others say so or because it was easy to get into or anything like that. You've decided that this course was the best for you when you chose it, and you've also chosen to stick at it. I think that is more than enough to say to yourself that this course is worth it. Don't look down on your course la. Be positive about it and you'll enjoy it.

Personally, I think it's a great course that you're doing because in our society today, we need people who can give responsible advice about dieting and nutrition, and not just focus on using drugs and plastic surgery, and be obsessed about being a stick - like some of the girls in Hong Kong!

You have my full support. :)

So yeah, stay positive and it'll be all good!


I don't think he had any idea (and think he's forgotten about it now) about how much those words meant at that time, how much encouragement they gave. His full support meant much much more (and still does) than, i think, he thought.

I think he pretty much said it all. It's not all about the money, or the status of the profession in another's eye, far from it. Is it worth it? Is it where your heart is? Is it God's will??


On a completely different note, Nick from 'Bold and the Beautiful' told Bridget how sorry he was for betraying her, and how he really knows now that he loves Bridget. He used such "awwww" words:

"i know because i broke my heart when i broke yours"

i feel...how vaguely appropriate...

charity begins at home

Never knew how true that saying is for Christians until my friend shared her testimony at church 4 years ago (around 4 years ago...lost track of time). But it's so true. Family and being inside our houses...our homes...is where i believe we reveal the most, and, personally speaking anyway, where we're tempted to "let go". Like after a day at uni or work, sometimes i just feel like relaxing, tempted to have some time out all for myself, to just sit in front of the tv and watch whatever garbage is on offer, to burrow inside my room instead of seeing how my parents are going, to settle into a good book instead of helping out in the kitchen. It's happened before that when i've finally got my lazy butt out of the comfort of my room, downstairs into the kitchen to help my mum cook, dinner's pretty much ready and my mum's pretty tired =(

On a different note, sometimes family can affect Christian ministry amongst other matters. My friend was right in pointing out how non-Christian parents can pose certain barriers/limitations to serving God sometimes, like the amount of time spent and the extent of involvement in a youth group, etc. I believe that God is sovereign, and if He wants you to serve in a particular area x amount of time, then you'll be able to. But there are things to consider, for instance, whether u respect ur parents, choose to take time out for them as well as for church and uni and friendships and relationships etc. I try to respect my dad (so hard and i always fail though...) and have time for my parents because I want to let God's love shine, for them to see God's love...God wants us to honour our parents.

Hmm getting into a mumble jumble...slept really late last nite...my apologies

What brought all this up? My mind drifts back to a conversation i recently had with my mum about being involved in ministry, particularly with youth group. She'd just had a chat with her friend, whose daughter is a Christian, but no one else in her family is at the moment. The daughter is very involved at her church, with the music team and youth group, which is really great and really encouraging to see!! My mum's friend, being a non-Christian, is really great towards this in my opinion, driving her daughter around, letting her do whatever she wants, taking the car and going back home in the early hours of morn sometimes...i don't know, but it sounds pretty great (and tolerant) to me =)

But my mum's friend isn't happy, and i don't know if her daughter even knows it. She's tries hard to communicate with her daughter, wanting to spend some time with her, wanting to get to know her. She's not too well physically, visiting doctors, physios....u know, menopause create problems blah blah blah. But from what i hear, her efforts seem in vain sometimes. Her daughter spends heaps of time out, and when she's home she's sleeping and stuff. Apparently once the mum drove her out somewhere and started asking her daughter how things were going, but was shut up by her daughter who wanted to sleep in the car.

I don't know if all that is true, and I don't want to say anything else, or form opinions about it or anything, cos i hardly know them myself. Her daughter might be spending much more time with her mum now for all i know. But one thing that occurred to me is that (and i guess especially with non-Christian parents) it's important to spend time with family. I feel that being involved in ministry is awesome, and i love being involved and i'm all for serving God!! But serving family is also that too, caring for parents as though they're members of your Bible study group, supporting them, encouraging them in their walks with God, knowing them and trying to share with them the gospel as though you're evangelising at uni...i was really encouraged by a uni friend who tries to do this and more for her parents, who takes time out for her parents, supporting them in their walks with God, and just having lunch out with her mum, and going grocery shopping. They're parents, but like us, they're also fragile human beings.