Party at Jul's

After exams on wed, our uni course group all went to Juliette's place to celebrate! Hmm ... posted about it in the last post, but for some reason it got wiped off grrrr. Was such an awesome party! First time our course group partied like that together at someone's place :) It was great! Hehe was rather surprised at how the guys got hammered before any of the girls were, but then apparently they drank 40% alcohol and had a couple of pre-drinks whih might explain it. A few were in pretty bad shape, lying in their own spew on the kerb and all. Was pleasantly surprised at how very caring people in my course were of each other! Looking after them so well, putting on jumpers for them and all. And it was all positive as well, no negative remarks thrown around at all, as ive seen happen before, with the guys going around complimenting others, telling everyone else how they're their bestest buddies, thanking people for their friendships and all :) Hehe was so funny!

Also made me realise, too, how influential alcohol can be, how its something that can control us, something we keep wanting more off when we're in such a state. Would never wanna be under such strong influence, to be completely drunk ! Ohhh found that my favourite drink is still Midori + lemonade :) Yummm hehe! People said that this other drink was "the best" but it didnt beat my fave :P hehe

Ohhh seeing how ive never posted photos up of people in my uni course group, here are a few!

update!

Exams finally over! was pretty disappointed with my last exam which was on health and disease and exercise ... seeing how the subject was mostly on pathology of diseases, we fully expected the paper to be mostly based on that, but noooo, they asked so many questions on wot dosages of exercise we would prescribe to certain patients grrr (oh how i really don't like exercise & sports science!). Ah well, already passed that subject before the exam so not too worried ... was hoping that it would be a subject i could rely on to bring marks from other subjects up though >< hehe

In case anyone wonders why half of my index finger is strapped or otherwise rather black, it's because i slammed a car door onto it as i got out of the car last night. Was really painful to say that least, and right now it's throbbing and heated and swollen and red and black ... woke me up a couple of times last night actually. Was just really scary, but im thankful to God that my friend's dad didnt drive off straight away and that the car had central locking or else i wouldnt have been able to open the door to free my finger! As far as i can remember, never had i cried purely from physical pain before last night. Like ive torn ligaments and sprained ankles really badly, and almost broke my toe (lost like the whole nail hehe) and really awful mouth ulcers that made my cheek swell up, and wisdom teeth and cramps and needles and fallen on my head halfway through a somersault on a medium-high gymnastics bar, fallen off my bike heaps of times, friend's car accident, fallen on the ground more often than i can remember and stuff ... but have always just groaned or laughed or just bite on my lips (not to bleeding!) ... last night at first i was like that too, but the pain just made me fully cry. Hmm mite go see the doctor tmr and see if it can be drained out

Ohhh worked like a 10hr shift today at a childcare centre! The kids were so sweet and great to work with! On this poster i read "to teach is to touch the future". How very true! In the afternoon, this 4yr old girl hurt her eye or something and came up to me crying. Felt so peculiarily old as i picked her up and sat her on my lap, reassuring her as she clung on ... on the way home, how i wished i was a young girl once more, to be cuddled up in someone's arms and rest on their laps when im hurt ... i want to be a little girl once more!

it's 3 in the morning and for once i feel awake ....

It's 3 in the morning and it's past bed time i know ... but slept a little at 11ish and drank a bit of coffee a few hours ago ... that stuff is quite potent !!

Hmmm think i'll head off to bed sooooon. Hehe nothing really good or interesting happens these days, so today was a relatively good one. My cousin's getting married! Hehe! Not sure when but soooon ... found out they're engaged this afternoon!

And speaking of cousins, another cousin is in Germany at the moment (i think he still is) enjoying all that World Cup fanaticism! Booooooo. He's gone off to Europe for 2 1/2 months! But then i guess he and his friends deserve it cause they've just graduated from college (he's in Canada). While we're slaving away he's having loads of fun! Rarararar hehe ah well i can feel happy for him cos right now, im feeling rather happy, something i havent felt for what seems to have been quite a long time. Still stressed, but hey it's 3am and not likely i can be bothered to cram more. Really don't like the anxiety and stress thats become a constant in my likfe these days. Ohhh and it's probably also due to one piece of good uni-related news from this afternoon. We found out our marks for the 40% assignment we did earlier this semester, finally! Cause it was worth 40%, we were pretty anxious about it. Did better than expected :) That combined with my midsemester exam has ensured me a pass already, so even if i walk into the exam on wed and outline a philosophical debate on whether history exists if there were no existence to live it out, i'll still pass (don't think they do scaling in this subject) ! Hehe celebrated by studying for that subject for 2hrs which wasnt a good idea, considering how im still so stuffed for mon and tue exams bahhhhhhh.

"you change your life, or you change your name"

Apparently that's what some king called alexander the great said to a boy who said "sir, im alexander as well!", back in the first century.

Jesus said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." (Mark 8:34-35)

I was challenged by a message by John Dickson tonight about what it means for us to be called "Christian". These days, living through an exam period, i've been really stressed and worried about some things that aren't really that important in the grand scheme of things, so it was great to be reminded of what being a Christian involves.

To wear the name "Christian" means you're a follower of Christ, you're His ambassador, His representative. It involves living life His way, under His authority. To take up His cross and follow Him wherever it leads to. Jesus is the one God has anointed, His is the king and lord of all, He is Christ. As His followers, we need to lay out lives down at His feet, to lay our petty ambitions, worries, indecisions, burdens all before Him and to trust that He knows what is truly best for us and loves us more than enough to bring it about in our lives. To live in Him!

You change your life or you change your name


... You don't love me because I'm worthy, but I'm worthy because You love me ...

step-aerobics ... hip-hip aerobics

Borrowed two aerobics tapes from epping library yesterday while waiting to be picked up cause im rather bored with the ones i currently have. One was Step-aerobics and the other Hip-hop aerobics. Been trying them out these past two nights, and they're pretty challenging to say the least. Havent been challenged by the nature of aerobics moves for a while now, so it was refreshing. Step-aerobics was so graceful and requires so much coordination ... it's like dancing actually. Even those two guys there on the screen (in a bunch of five men and women) were so graceful, especially with their arms! Whereas i was busily tripping over my step while trying to follow their moves! Not that i was without excuse ... instead of using the standard step which they used, i was using a really little chair/stool (40cm x 20cm x 25cm) hehe. The Hip-hop aerobics ... let's forget about that. One person you did not want to see doing that last night would be me.

waiting for the bus

The past couple of days, everything ive been doing or will do, and things ive been going through, seem so hopeless, helpless, directionless, senseless, meaningless, filling me with a heavy sense of shame, fear and guilt.All the decisions im making these days all seem so stupid and regret tags along. Thinking back to half a year ago, i can only dream of re-living in such a paradise nowadays. I encourage others to find rest in the Lord, but at the same time i find myself asking "how can i find rest in the Lord?" It's not just because of the upcoming exams, but a multitude of factors, some of which im aware of, others i know not. I dread waking up some mornings, and i dread bed time.
O joy, where art thou? O peace, where art thou?
As i stood on pacific highway today, all these people walked past, and all these cars were driven past, yet i felt as though i was totally alone. My family have been great, but that only enhances the fear of disappointing them. This morning, i felt things all around me, not life, because inside i felt lifeless and loveless. I saw all around me decay and disease, as the sight of a man with stunted growth walking past me filled my eyes with tears.

Praise the LORD.
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
(Psalm 106:1)


Come, Lord Jesus, come.

bahhhh

Five days of stuvac and what have i done?? Still feel i don't know a thing grrrr!! Went into stuvac with the expectation that i'd be really productive and that by the end of it, i'll know most of the stuff for the exam ... but surprise surprise, my first-ever stuvac made no difference ... actually i think i was more prepared for exams all the previous semesters than this semester =(

Spent 6 entire days at home which is so different from what im used to! My basic schedule has been along these lines:

10am-12pm : Wake up and brekkie and help out with housework and quiet times (the best part of the day!)
Noon : shocked and annoyed reactions because half the day's gone !! motivated to be productive the rest of the day !!
12pm-2pm : do past papers for math and some notes ... trying to concentrate more than concentrating ><
2pm : tummie tells me that it wants food
2pm-3pm : eating manages to take a whole hour (and that's if no one's at home to talk to me) aiya at this rate im gonna become obese in no time, which brings risk factors for cardiovascular diseases etc etc etc
3pm-4:30pm : TRY to study a bit more ... metabolic processes work to digest food and hence napping gets in the way at certain points in time ... people come home and provide a bit more distraction
4:30pm : 'bold and the beautiful' on tv (i know i know!) which i don't usually watch the whole of ... then 'wheel of fortune' then 'deal of no deal' ... im lucky if i hop back upstairs before 'deal or no deal' comes on =(
6pm-7pm : try study a bit more ... la di di da di da
7pm : dinnnnnnnnner time !
8:30pm : (dinnner always manages to take a while hehe esp when dishing is involved) plonk down to study but getting up every hour to roam around and hunt for foooooood
[10pm : recently started listening to 103.2FM - Reflection time with John Dickson ... quite good i reckon, from wot ive heard the past couple of nights]
11pm : very annoyed with myself cos ive wasted yet another day ... tries harder to study
12am : midnight already grrrr !!!!!!!
1am : hops downstairs for aerobics and/or soccer and/or bug my brother if he's up late studying =P occasionally a nap ... then study a bit more or reply to emails etc
2 / 2:30am : time to clean myself and head off to bedddddddie !! time of the day when im most annoyed because i've done nothing all day =(

an endless vicious cycle ... intend to break it soooooooon !!

ramblings ...

Been quite a while since i wrote something here ... don't know what to write here actually. It's 1:15am and ive just finished typing up lecture notes on the dose response of weight loss hmm i wouldnt mind losing a kg or two at the moment myself actually! If only i can somehow get myself to follow what i know will work =P

Severe loss of motivation to study ... been hoping day after day that it'll come back soooon! After all those assignments were due in, my brain's been quite unwilling to dive into studying, which is bad considering how exams are approaching! For the first time ever in my uni life i get stuvac!! Yippee! Praying it won't be wasted!

Had a really good week of uni, minus the exams looming, of which i was reminded everyday! It's been great getting to know some people better, and doing stuff i really enjoy doing ... things related to EU and all. Small group was wrapped up, and it was fantastic looking back at this past semester. I think God's really blessed the group, with people from different years at uni, different walks of life, coming together around God's Word and building one another up in Him! May they continue to be strongly rooted in Him, growing for the kingdom day by day!!

Been interesting, driving in the rain. Driven everyday the past week except for last thursday. Found driving at night in rain to the hardest. Ohhh and my parents are so right about needing sleep (well needing to be awake) while driving! I was only a few metres away from hitting a tree last sat, as i drove home after my cousin's 21st. Was embarassing most of all, the driver behind me must've thought i was drunk or something, and i was NOT! Didnt drink at all... it was dark and i was heaps tired from severe lack of sleep the week before and thinking about something or other ... and the nice road suddenly branched off around this island with trees on it in the middle of the road! Wasnt speeding or anything though which was goooood. Phew! Was so funny i was half laughing and half sighing with relief all the way home =)

Hmm wot to do now ... for some reason i don't feel like sleeping though i probably should. Wonder why ... watched a bit of Titanic earlier, which was probably the silliest thing i did today. Oh, and i watched a bit of Bend It Like Beckham last night, one part of which almost made me cry. So weird. Hadnt watched tv for a while ... maybe that's why i just sat that watching it ... unusual stuff hehe

This has turned out to be quite a long post hmm and i still feel like blabbing away about absolutely nothing at all. Why do we seem to treasure things when they're lost? Was just talking to a friend who just broke up and is now regretting it and wishing to be back together =( Must be so hard. Hmm treasure what is present i reckon ... my mum once told me how the present is truly a present sometimes (hmm was it in a leunig cartoon?)

an C18th poem about contentment in God alone

I do not know
when I have had happier times
in my soul
than when I have been sitting at work,
with nothing before me
but a candle and a white cloth,
and hearing no sound
but that of my own breath;
with God in my soul
and heaven in my eye.
I rejoice in being exactly what I am
- a creature capable of loving God,
and who, as long as God lives,
must be happy.
I get up
and look a while out the window.
I gaze at the moon and stars,
the work of an Almighty Hand.
I think of the grandeur of the universe
and then sit down
and think myself
one of the happiest
beings in it

a prayer at dawn

Teach me by your spirit
through your word
Let it move right through me
like a two edge sword
Cutting all the sin and complacency away
Let your living word
come alive in me today